Silent but deadly

Silent but deadly

Wow.  This post just woke me up.

Its called Silent Approval and its written by Steve Pavlina.

“Suppose your child misbehaves right in front of you, but you say nothing.  Or suppose you manage people at work, and you notice one of your underlings making a serious mistake, but you don’t bother to bring it to his/her attention.  That’s silent approval.”

At this point, most can agree that this silent approval thing isn’t good.  But then Pavlina blew my mind by asking this:

“What problems in your life do you witness often, but instead of consciously dealing with them, you turn away from them?”

To which I answered, “Wow.  Everything.”

Oh my goodness.  I am suddenly so aware of what a total joke my life is.  How many times do I sit around doing the same things, and then complain about them later?

As some like to say, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”  It was Einstein who coined it, so I guess we can trust him.

The areas of my life which are bringing me dissatisfaction are piling up more and more as time goes by, and very few of them have I actually consciously tried to remedy.  What’s wrong with me?  Why have I been silently approving these things all this time?

I think I somehow thought that they would change on their own.

“If you want to change the results you’re getting, you cannot use silent approval.  You have to begin dictating a new standard for yourself.  Whenever you notice your new standards being violated, you must bring it to conscious awareness.  Interrupt your old pattern of silent approval with noisy disapproval.”

This is like what T. Harv Eker suggests in Secrets of the Millionaire Mind (one of my all-time favorite books).  He says that whenever you find yourself thinking a negative thought, think “CANCEL” and cut off the thought then and there.

So often we let ourselves carry on with negative thoughts or negative behaviors that aren’t getting us anywhere – or worse, are moving us backward – without so much as taking notice.  They’ve become routine.  “It is the way it is” and so on.

But I’m going to actively stay more alert to what I am doing (and thinking) and whether or not it is helping me or making me unhappy.  Afterall, as Pavlina says, “Silent approval makes your problems impossible to solve.  You cannot solve what you refuse to identify.”

“Silent approval is one of fear’s best friends” – and Fear has outstayed his welcome as it is.  He’s years late on his rent and he’s an unfriendly roommate  to begin with.  I’ve had enough.

Now that you’ve read this post, are you more aware of some things you’ve been silently approving that have outstayed their welcome?

Teachings from Steve Pavlina and Jesus, and what it means to be lucky

Teachings from Steve Pavlina and Jesus, and what it means to be lucky

Its been awhile since I last posted about something cool I found on the internet.  (Which is unfortunate, since that’s really why I started this blog.)

This morning I found myself reading Noah Kagan’s blog (which I have just recently found and subscribed to), which then led me back to a popular favorite: Steve Pavlina’s blog.  I don’t even know how many tabs I have open right now.

I just finished an article by Pavlina aptly called The Parable of Talents.  For those who are unfamiliar, The Parable of Talents is a story told by Jesus in Matthew 25  of the Bible (Matthew 25:14-30.)

Its about a master who gives his servants different sums of money (aka talents).  One gets 5, one gets 2, and one gets 1.  The one who gets 5 goes off, invests it, and returns with 5 more, totaling 10.  The one with 2 does the same, doubling his to 4.  But the one who had only 1 chooses instead to keep what he has and bury it, rendering it ultimately useless.  The master is very pleased with his first two servants and shares his joy with them.  But he is disappointed in the third servant and casts him away.

Pavlina gives a commentary on this story in the broader context of personal development.  The first thing that struck me about his article is how he notes that each servant was given a different starting position, and how this parallels our own lives.  Some of us are blessed with more talents than others (whether we’re talking here about money or the more colloquial meaning of talent).  But its what we do with what we’re given that matters.

“Jesus acknowledges the unfairness of life, but he also suggests that our starting conditions are irrelevant.  One person earns five talents, another earns only two, but both are congratulated equally.”

This concept is something that I’ve really been noticing lately, and trying to remember.  Having the understanding and acceptance that everyone has their own story, their own journey – complete with a unique starting point – really helps me keep things in a realistic and appropriate perspective.

Its so easy to look at someone who is more successful, more fit, or more giving, and feel down about oneself.  We see where they are right now, and we compare it to where we are right now.  But we don’t consider that we may be at our starting point while they are nearer completion; or perhaps we have spent equal time travelling, yet our starting point was farther back than theirs.

And really, its those times when we overcome a difficult starting point, and achieve something great, that is noteworthy.  Even if our achievement is only that we’ve come as far as we are now, its still quite impressive when you consider the obstacles we’ve overcome.  Now compare that to that “lucky” person who had everything at the start!

In a few areas of my life, I feel that I have been blessed with a good starting point.  I haven’t had to work as hard as some other people to achieve the same things.  In these areas, I’ve always considered myself “lucky”.  But take note of this point Steve Pavlina makes:

“If you happen to be one of those who receives five talents, don’t pat yourself on the back that you’re already above average.  If you have abundant talents, you should expect even more from yourself.”

For too long now, I have overvalued my starting point.  For example, my family has never really struggled with money, so that’s a reality I’ve been “lucky” enough to avoid.  As such, it was always assumed that I would go to school, make something of myself, and be successful in return.  I didn’t have to work as hard to prove myself, because I was born into a situation where it was already proven.  (In a sense.)

Similarly, I was able to pass my classes without too much effort.  So, naturally, I used that to my advantage, rarely studied or did my homework, and somehow ended up with a high school diploma.

Okay, so now that we know my starting point, let’s take a look at where I am now:

…Kind of nowhere.

I have such a high standard for myself, that I don’t want to do a lot of things most people do.  Like graduate college, get a “real job”, etc.  I’ve been fortunate enough to live with my parents and not have to pay rent (which is especially convenient considering the no degree and no job bit).  Because of this, I still consider myself to be “lucky”.  Hey, I don’t have to work or go to school, and I can live for free!

So why have I put “lucky” in quotes every time I’ve mentioned it?  Because taking a look at me, blessed with the great starting point, coasting through school and life up until this point, and now looking at what I’ve made of myself – and then comparing that to someone who may have had a much worse starting point, who may have had to put in many long hours studying and working and doing things that weren’t enjoyable, and now they have a successful career and a fulfilling life – which one is really “lucky”?

“What matters isn’t what we’re given — it’s what we do with it that matters.”

Reading Steve Pavlina’s post is yet another reminder to prioritize where I am vs. where I should be; to realistically evaluate myself not on where I’ve started but on where I’ve gotten myself and continue to get myself.

So – why have I let myself coast and sit around, and not take advantage of the great start life gave me?

Pavlina brings up another point from the Parable: the reason the third servant chose to hide his money instead of use it, was out of fear.  He only had 1, and didn’t want to risk losing it.  But in so doing, the money really didn’t serve him at all, as if he had none to begin with.  So basically, he was living as though his worst fear was his reality.

That’s pretty much my life to a T.  I worked hard at a minimum wage coffee house job for a year, saving up money so that I could go travel or move somewhere exciting, or do something with my life.  But, I ended up not going, and now those savings have been sitting in the bank, useless, dwindling away slowly over the last 6 months.  I’m not using them for the fun they were meant to buy.  So I might as well not even have them.

But the worst part is, having that money gives me another [false sense of a] good starting point.  I think, “hey, I have these savings – I could go places [if I wanted]!”  Its really just giving me a false sense of security, and a false sense of accomplishment.  Because in all practical terms, I have nothing.  Money just sitting in the bank, is nothing.

So how does one brush off these unrealistic self-perceptions, these lies we tell ourselves to feel better about ourselves when we haven’t done anything?

I think perhaps the key is in the next point Pavlina draws, when he poses the question, “What would have happened if one of the servants who invested the money realized a loss instead of a gain?” – i.e., if your worst-case scenario comes true and you utterly fail, then what?

Pavlina conjectures that the master would have praised the servant for trying and failing, because any action is better than inaction.  The third servant was reprimanded for inaction.  The first two servants were praised – but for their action, or “faithfulness”, not their results.

“However, given that Jesus doesn’t directly address this condition in the parable, he may also be suggesting that faith itself is the path to success — a common theme in his other teachings.  So perhaps if you use your talents faithfully, you aren’t really going to lose.”

And finally, Pavlina points out that the servants’ ultimate reward isn’t the money itself (as it was their master’s money and investments, not theirs).  What they receive is to share in the happiness.  The happiness of helping their master, of taking action, of doing well.

I hope you’ve taken something away from this post.  What I took away from Pavlina’s was a reminder that action is always better than inaction – and that even failure is a better result than inaction.  And that all the things I consider myself “lucky” to have, are really not giving me any real benefit at all.  Sure, they give me some baseline happiness and temporary life-support; but if anything, they are inhibiting my development.  And its really high time I stop being so dependent on them.

Do you consider yourself to be lucky?  Have you had a good start or a more challenging one?  What action have you taken since?

By the way, I’m a composer

By the way, I’m a composer

Some of you may know, and probably most of you don’t know, that I write music.

I started tinkering around on piano as a baby (yes, that counts), played flute in 6th-10th grades, did marching band one year, took cello lessons for 3 years, got a guitar and tinkered around from age 16 onward, took 4 drum lessons in college, and decided that performance wasn’t for me.  I’m much more of a behind-the-scenes girl.

I had composed little things here and there on piano as a child, and tediously wrote a few songs out in notation (sheet music) but left the majority to be forgotten.  Then in high school I started messing around in Garage Band (that Mac program), and then my friend Heath introduced me to a fancier and more advanced program called Reason, which is what I’ve been using ever since.

In summary: I compose music via a computer program that uses virtual instruments.  I’ve been doing this for almost 10 years, I’d say.

Why am I telling you this?  Because I have just launched a website for myself that will serve as my online portfolio!  Wahoo!

Here it is!

I thought about becoming a jingle writer (like for commercials), then an opera composer (lawl way too ambitious), and finally settled on film scoring.  Film scoring is awesome because it combines music and moving picture, and I find that I get way more inspired when I have a visual to write to.  I love making the scenes come alive with some dramatic music!

So now this is something that I do as like a side job.  But up until now I hadn’t really marketing myself.  So finally, thanks to my new-found interest in web design, I made myself a real website!  And I thought I’d share it with all my blog friends.  Feel free to check it out and let me know what you think.