Silent but deadly

Silent but deadly

Wow.  This post just woke me up.

Its called Silent Approval and its written by Steve Pavlina.

“Suppose your child misbehaves right in front of you, but you say nothing.  Or suppose you manage people at work, and you notice one of your underlings making a serious mistake, but you don’t bother to bring it to his/her attention.  That’s silent approval.”

At this point, most can agree that this silent approval thing isn’t good.  But then Pavlina blew my mind by asking this:

“What problems in your life do you witness often, but instead of consciously dealing with them, you turn away from them?”

To which I answered, “Wow.  Everything.”

Oh my goodness.  I am suddenly so aware of what a total joke my life is.  How many times do I sit around doing the same things, and then complain about them later?

As some like to say, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”  It was Einstein who coined it, so I guess we can trust him.

The areas of my life which are bringing me dissatisfaction are piling up more and more as time goes by, and very few of them have I actually consciously tried to remedy.  What’s wrong with me?  Why have I been silently approving these things all this time?

I think I somehow thought that they would change on their own.

“If you want to change the results you’re getting, you cannot use silent approval.  You have to begin dictating a new standard for yourself.  Whenever you notice your new standards being violated, you must bring it to conscious awareness.  Interrupt your old pattern of silent approval with noisy disapproval.”

This is like what T. Harv Eker suggests in Secrets of the Millionaire Mind (one of my all-time favorite books).  He says that whenever you find yourself thinking a negative thought, think “CANCEL” and cut off the thought then and there.

So often we let ourselves carry on with negative thoughts or negative behaviors that aren’t getting us anywhere – or worse, are moving us backward – without so much as taking notice.  They’ve become routine.  “It is the way it is” and so on.

But I’m going to actively stay more alert to what I am doing (and thinking) and whether or not it is helping me or making me unhappy.  Afterall, as Pavlina says, “Silent approval makes your problems impossible to solve.  You cannot solve what you refuse to identify.”

“Silent approval is one of fear’s best friends” – and Fear has outstayed his welcome as it is.  He’s years late on his rent and he’s an unfriendly roommate  to begin with.  I’ve had enough.

Now that you’ve read this post, are you more aware of some things you’ve been silently approving that have outstayed their welcome?

5 Self Love Affirmations

I was reading Flamidwyfe’s Blog and was inspired by her post on 5 affirmations.  So, I took to Pinterest and found 5 affirmations I liked best from my “Truth” board, and thought I’d share them.

The things I post on my Truth board are things that I think are very true ways of looking at life – but they are often the things I most easily forget.  The ones below especially inspire me to live my life the way I want to.  Maybe they’ll inspire you, too?

If you make a post of 5 affirmations, let me know!

Sharing

Last night I posted that I had found a blog post that I really related to.  I didn’t share it at the time because I felt like it would be sharing too much, since it describes with tremendous accuracy how I have been feeling and some possible analysis of it.  But now I feel like, why not share it?

So here it is.

Joyce Meyer – Leaving the City of Guilt, Part I

This video was immediately appealing to me because I often find myself feeling guilty, which is often accompanied by depression.  Its not that I’ve done anything particularly horrible –  I just feel really, really badly whenever I do something even remotely horrible.  And I don’t let myself forget it.  It keeps coming back.  This is due in large part to the fact that I don’t control my thoughts (something that I’ve been researching more lately and trying to work on, as I think it is one of the biggest benefits I can give myself right now.)

I don’t know much about Christianity and have never been a religious person, but there is something undeniably appealing to me about Christians and their faith.  In the last 6 months or so I have been researching Christianity and reading blogs and articles by Christians, especially women.  I like what I read but there is so much more to learn.  I’m currently reading the Bible (do you know how big that thing is?!) and I’m following Joyce Meyer on twitter which is how I found this video today.

For me, my guilt isn’t so much because I feel I’ve disappointed God; its more that I’ve disappointed myself.  Or my parents.  (Which feeling is worse?  I couldn’t tell you.)  But I still found tremendous benefit in this video with respect to guilt, and also just to learning more about God and the Bible.

“God is not the least bit surprised by you or your behavior…  He knew everything about you when he invited you to come into a relationship with Him.”  This thought is comforting because having a relationship with God seems like a big deal and like something that should be earned or deserved.  And if we aren’t perfect (but who is?) then we can feel like we’re a disappointment to Him or not worthy of a connection.  I’m not sure if that’s how I feel or not, quite honestly, but it’s nice to know that He already knows everything about me, because in that is a sense of acceptance.  Because He knows me, and yet still chose to form a relationship with me, He must accept who I am and what I’ve done and where I’ve come from.

Joyce points out that if we keep the burden of guilt, we have no energy to learn and grow and serve God.  Now, even for those who aren’t religious, this can apply.  We have no energy to grow and learn, and do what we should be doing (whether its serving God or serving yourself or serving others).  The feeling of guilt holds us back from living our lives and accomplishing goals and experiencing joy.

Joyce goes on to share a humorous story about going on a “guilt trip”, which is a pretty universal experience.  The author went on this trip knowing it wouldn’t do any good.  How many of us actually think feeling guilt will do some good in our lives?  Yet does that stop us from doing it?

“Jesus has done everything for us that he’s gunna do – he’s waiting for us to believe it.”  This line really spoke to me because it made me realize that I’m waiting on something more to happen before I cement my feelings on Christianity.  What am I waiting for?  Jesus has already done all that he’s going to do.  And yes, there is much more of the Bible that I can read, and I can continue to form opinions as I do so.  But this line really calls people to action, which I love.  There comes a time – and the time is now – to make the decision to change your life.  The Bible is right there. If you want to go with it and change your life in that way because it will bring you positivity, then what are you waiting for?  If you want to go in a different direction, then what are you waiting for?  The point is, pick something and take action.  Stop wasting your time feeling guilty or doing whatever else it is that’s holding you back from being awesome.  Fear?  Fear of failure or rejection?  If its depression, that can be hard to kick.  But fear can be just as hard to kick.

“Guilt enters as a thought, creates a feeling, and we live by that feeling… If you’re smart you’ll say, ‘I don’t care how I feel, this is what I know’.”  That right there is the key, I think.  Right now I am letting myself be controlled by my feelings.  I need to change what I know so that I can have something better to stick with instead of getting stuck in a bad mood when negative thoughts come up.  And that is why I need to finish reading the Bible.  Hopefully it will have some answers for me :).

I also liked the point about asking and receiving forgiveness.  It’s easy to ask for it, but the real strength in that kind of prayer comes from trusting God enough to actually receive His forgiveness.  Because in that, you are completely letting go.

Note: This video was part 1 of a 4 part series.  Look forward to her other videos on fear, insecurity, and worry – which I plan to watch and write about soon.

Now, here’s some non-Christian-related words that I feel convey the same message to stop holding yourself back with guilt:

Believe in yourself.

Ready.  Fire.  Aim.

Whether you think you can or think you can’t – you’re right.

The only thing that makes it a part of your life is that you keep thinking about it.

*A few of those came from the pins I have collected on pinterest – feel free to check them out and many, many more that relate to this very subject.  And please share in the comments some of your most inspiring!